The (English) names of the planets were dubbed by ancient Romans (and presumably before that the Greeks) based on their ancient gods that few people believe in, hell, most people don’t know why the planets are named such anymore.
If I remember correctly:
- Mercury was named after the messenger god as it travelled the sky the fastest (shortest orbit around the Sun)
- Venus was named after the goddess of love and beauty as it was the second brightest object in the night sky, after the Moon
- Mars was named after the god of war, as it was blood red
- Jupiter was named after the king of the Gods (Zeus in Greek mythos), I guess because it was the largest? Also, it was the second slowest planet the ancient Romans could see
- Saturn was named after Jupiter’s father (Cronus in Greek mythos) as it moved in the sky even slower than Jupiter
- Uranus was discovered around 1800s and named after the father of Saturn and the titans, and a bunch of other legends. I guess going from grandson to grandfather when going from Jupiter to Uranus? Uranus was also the god of the sky I think (at least, initially. Then I think Uranus was killed by Saturn, who was then subsequently killed by Jupiter because Saturn kept on eating his own children)
- Finally, Neptune was discovered later, and named after the Roman god of the sea since it looked very blue
Sorry Pluto, but you’re not a planet anymore. I think Pluto was named after the god of the underworld (equiv. of Hades), it was that or the god of wealth. Maybe both?
Given all the additional information, data, images, etc. we know of the planets, if they were to be renamed, what should the new names be? What are some good names that let people know a signature characteristic of each planet? (ideally, including people unfamiliar with Roman mythos)
Silly names are okay too, but only if they are really good
If you are a Pluto believer, you could give a new name for it too.
Note that many non-English languages name the planets using a different system. For example, Chinese names the naked-eye-observable five after the 5 “elements” (e.g. Mars is literally translated as “fire star”, Saturn is “earth star”), then the newly discovered Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are translations of the western names (e.g. Neptune is “king/ruler of the sea star”)
edit: Some people like 1-8. I guess that would match with hypothetical Planet 9? (or X if you’re a Pluto believer) Wouldn’t be all that helpful though, and it makes the planets feel rigid, boring, and not very fun at all.
If this happened near or post-interplanetary colonization, I’m reasonably confident that they’d be named after or by whichever corporation buys and takes the largest influence over the planet.
We all know Elon wants to name Mars Planet X, so let’s agree now to blow it up as soon as that happens.
Earth’s name would probably be left alone. I’d imagine Google going after Saturn and maybe preserving the name too, maybe giving it a little name if they hadn’t blown every word in the English language on dead projects.
Microsoft, in their lack of vision, would name Mercury Microsoft (if they’re still around by this point).
dasher dancer prancer vixen comet cupid donner blitzen
(plus rudolph taunting everyone from the kuiper belt)
I think your question is egotistical. We should send letters to the planets asking them what they want to be called. Until then, we can name all of them variants of “TheFartographer” to celebrate my incredible humility.
Myanus, Theiranus, Heranus, Hisanus, Ouranus
Pluto
Pluto
Pluto
Pluto
Pluto
Pluto
Pluto
Pluto
Herman
Mercury = Moth (circling closest to the sun)
Venus = Ant (has acid)
Earth = Scarab (shining blue where it isn’t covered in dung)
Mars = Firebug (red)
Jupiter = Dragonfly (biggest insect)
Saturn = Wasp (has rings around it)
Uranus = Phasmid (slowest moving)
Neptune = Midge (insect found in the coldest climates)
Pluto = Tick (tiny and not actually an insect)Neat. Insects are pretty cool.
I don’t know about the rest but we gotta rename Uranus so people stop making juvenile jokes. I propose Urectum.
Mercury Venus FUCK Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Steve
Muffin
Bluey
Bingo <- you are here
Lucky
Bandit
Chili
Stripe
TrixieI know earth might be more bluey than Venus, but I would love to live on Bingo. And we’re kinda like fleas anyway so I think the theme is a good one.
This is Socks erasure!
Fun!
I mean… If we treated the sun to be just another star (ie, if the astronomers got their way), the planets would probably be called Sol b, Sol c, Sol d, Sol e, Sol f, Sol g, Sol h, and Sol i.
Sol a would be reserved for the sun, of course.
I’d go with:
Mercury - Who
Venus - What
Earth - I Dunno
Mars - Why
Jupiter - Because
Saturn - Naturally
Uranus - Tomorrow
Neptune - Today
Pluto - I Don’t Give A DarnI’d rename Pluto after Mickey’s dog
Goofy is a dog. I think you mean Mickey’s dog.
Err, yeah, that. I dunno why I thought he was Goofys. Thanks :)
Grey, white, green, red, stripey, ringy, lightblue and darkblue
EDIT: I was misinformed about uranus and neptune. Instead I suggest re-renaming them to “Blue” and “splotchy Blue”
green
Yes, let’s name the famously blue planet “green”.
But how will we tell the difference as Neptune is more blue
daba dee daba da
If I was green I’d die.
Blue Planet II
Yeah, but that would clash with the other two blue planets. Besides, most people live on the green bits, not the blue bits, and Planet Green was the one we named first.
I don’t see the issue. As long as the are narrated by David Attenborough, we can continue adding Blue Planets.
darkblue
It’s also light blue; pictures of it were just always published with exaggerated colors for a long time. It’s actually more like this if you do better color calibration, apparently:
Does “color calibration” mean what it would look like to the naked eye, if we were up close and personal?
Yeah; I think so. When I got this file originally, I think it was from here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Neptune_Voyager2_color_calibrated.png
which says:
Neptune on 1989-08-17, taken by NASA’s Voyager 2 probe. This color image was composed of three frames, orange, green, and blue, taken by Voyager 2’s imaging system. This color image has been calibrated to best represent Neptune’s true color and appearance. Based on: (in English) Irwin, Patrick G J (2023-12-23). “Modelling the seasonal cycle of Uranus’s colour and magnitude, and comparison with Neptune”. Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society 527 (4): 11521–11538. DOI:10.1093/mnras/stad3761. ISSN 0035-8711
It looks like I re-compressed the version I posted with webp to reduce the file size for quicker viewing on lemmy – so the colors in that are a little off from the PNG on Wikipedia, but are still closer than the classic enhanced color image.
That’s awesome! Wish we had more photos that go for more realistic over color.
I learned a thing today!
Maybe “splotchy blue”
Innie, Spinny, Sh-thole, Bob; Spotty, Hula, Turquoise, Outie. (Phteven)
Bonus bonus: Cark. Ceres gets to keep its initial like Pluto.
Spinny is ironic.
If you want serious… uh, well you could attempt to apply exoplanet order-of-discovery and label things Sol x where x is the order letter, but I think that gives (Sol) c, d, a, e, f, g, h, i. “b” would be the Moon, stricken from the list, or renamed to a-something once it was identified as a non-planet.
Bob is our true god of war
Planet 1 to Planet 8.
Sol I - VIII
